Dirty Little Secret

My little Lovebug

my precious Ironflower

so easily hurt

I’m not an overly sentimental parent, really. I remain calm in the face of falls, cuts, scrapes and bruises. Hysterical tears are more likely to get on my nerves than arouse my sympathy. I have given away more baby clothes than I have saved. I always seem to forget the video camera.

But when we were at  the library this week watching a children’s entertainer and Lovebug couldn’t get a partner for the dancing part (possibly because he kept going up to kids and grabbing them) I almost burst into tears. And every time Ironflower asks a new kid to play with her at the park – and that kid says no or taunts her, even – I have to restrain myself from calling that kid names.

My kids want to play with everybody. They’re not above grabbing toys or trying to get to the front of the slide line, but they’re prepared to like everyone they meet and they don’t hurt other kids. And I love that about them, except when I watch them get hurt. Last fall, two little girls Ironflower wanted to befriend called her a baby and kept running away from her. She still talks about it, even as I’ve said over and over again that those girls were rude and not the kind of kids she would want for friends. Until the library incident this week, Lovebug hadn’t seemed to care if someone didn’t want to play with him. But he felt it at the library when he was the only kid who didn’t have a partner.

I taught public school for ten years. I’m not unaware of how cruel children can be to one another. And I was prepared for it to happen someday – I had watched sweet as pie kindergarteners turn into Queen Bee fourth graders too many times to think that my kids would never feel hurt or rejected. But we’re talking about 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 – and other kids the same age. This didn’t happen when I taught preschool fifteen years ago. And if it did, parents stopped it. Now the parents are just as bad.

So, internets, do you have any advice? I can’t control the behavior of bratty children (or their parents), so how can I help my kids forget about the jerks they meet and just focus on the nice kids? How can I explain to Ironflower, as she looks longing at the pair of five year old girls she wants to play with (who keep running away from her), that she should just play with the nice little boy next to her? And how can I stop myself from talking to these kids as if I was their (ticked off) teacher?