Dirty Little Secret

Dear Terrorists,

I don’t think about you a lot. I am fortunate in that I don’t currently have any family members or close friends serving in the military or traveling in the middle east. And I am also fortunate in that I live in the United States, where the media would much rather listen to Tiger Woods’ pathetic excuse for an apology than to pay attention to anything you do.

I know you see us as the big Godless bully, one that keeps getting back up again even though you landed an excellent punch and made the rest of the class hate us. In your scenario, you will kill all of the infidels and have a perfect Muslim world (never mind that you can’t even agree on which kind of Muslim is perfect) where women are chattel, imams rule and no one eats hot dogs.

In my scenario, all the terrorists, rapists, pedophiles, racists, homophobes and murderers die of a mysterious illness and we live in a perfect liberal world where women are truly equal, children are ALL loved and no one eats hot dogs (see, we have something in common – give tolerance a chance!).

Here’s what would really happen in both of our scenarios: A bad seed would be born and start advocating equality or redhead hate and all of the people who weren’t quite as well off and who weren’t quite as educated would start listening to the bad seed and we’d be right back where we started.

Did you ever see the movie Heathers? It’s one of my favorites. In it,  a young couple murders the popular bullies of their school. . .only to have someone else step into the bully shoes almost immediately. Sort of like a modern day version of the Hydra.

Now in the movie and in the myth, the heroine/hero defeats the evil, resurrecting bully. Which is great, because who likes a story where nothing changes? No one.

However, these stories are also FICTION.

You are not going to defeat the bully. We’re not the biggest country (though I’m sure many of our high school graduates think so). We’re certainly not the smartest (just watch The Hills). We’re not the kindest (just ask our veterans). But we are the most popular. Take a poll and see how many of you have watched an American movie, heard an American song, eaten an American (or an American version) food, read an American book or heard about American Idol.

Even those kids who wear black and spend all of their time making fun of us (Russia, I’m talking to you) secretly want to be us. Yes, you can make us look stupid. Yes, you can hurt us. Yes, you can make people nervous about being our best friend. But given a choice between coming to the party where they have celebrity telethons for tragedies and sex is meant to be fun and coming to the party where they ignore other people’s problems and sex is shameful, which do you think people are going to pick?

Do you ever imagine what your lives would be like if your grandfathers had managed to move to the US? If your parents had opened small businesses in Detroit? If you and your sisters had 12 years of public education (which is better than you have gotten, even if it did produce Sarah Palin)? If your first crush was the Christian or Jewish kid from across the street?

Then you would have seen Heathers too. And you would have given up on this shit already.

Regards,

Jerseygirl

I like to call myself a realist. Some might say “cynical bitch”, but those people also might say “I think The Bachelor helps people find true love”, so really, who cares what they think? Anyway, I really soured on romance thanks to my ex-husband, who was a great one for romantic gestures and also for being a total selfish asshole, but even as a child I wondered how an abused maid like Cinderella would get along with a prince’s family.

I’m always looking for the dark backstory, and generally there is one. Let’s take Chastity Bono – er, I mean Chas Bono – shall we? When I was a little girl in the ’70’s, I watched Sonny and Cher with my mom. My favorite part was whenever little Chastity came out in a sparkling dress that matched her mother’s. I secretly longed for a mom with straight hair who wore glittery dresses on TV, one who would put me on TV too. I got over it quickly, especially after I heard that Sonny and Cher got divorced. I got even more over it when Sonny became a Republican politician. And, er, now that little Chastity is a man (not that there’s anything wrong with that) . . .well, let’s just say it’s probably good I never wore a sparkly dress on TV.

Sure, sometimes I think it would be nice to think that Katie and Tom do really love each other and that it’s not just a business arrangement, or that EVERYONE on Rock of Love was acting, but that’s not who I am. But as I listen to the news and read magazines, I start to wish that everyone was more like me.

We’re going to run out of oil. Health care costs are going to be out of reach for the average American. We’re not going to just “win” the Middle East like we did World War II. People who can’t afford it, are too young or too insane for it are going to keep breeding. Not everyone can own a flat screen TV.

And we need to accept that.

Our current situation is the dark backstory to the Reagan and Clinton years. Every politician proclaims that he or she can fix things, if this or that bill is passed it will fix things. Bullshit.

Can’t we just stop being optimistic Americans for one minute and realize that fighting on Fox News isn’t going to fix jack shit – and neither is either political party? We need to accept our dark back story and learn how to manage it.

Look at Chas Bono. Her mother is a gay icon, the ultimate feminine fantasy-woman. Does Chas try to emulate her? Try to become her eager assistant? Try to become an earth mother archetype in rebellion? No. He goes in a completely different direction. Not dwelling on the past or hostiley rejecting it.

Although, the cynical part of me wonders how much of it had to do with those sparkly dresses.

And you, Bill O’Reilly. And you, Sean Hannity. And most especially you, Glenn Beck. And every news producer who has replayed anything those you idiots have said, which I’m pretty sure covers every media outlet.

Because there’s a difference between disagreement and disgusting behavior, and you all have crossed it. And I happen to know that Bill, at least, is playing a role and doesn’t believe everything he spouts (or lets his viewers spout). But this playing to the lunatic fringes makes me nauseous.

If the birther movement wasn’t bad enough (like that wouldn’t have been checked by all the McCain and Clinton resources already? Seriously?), now we’ve got people comparing Obama to Hitler. If it’s not his “socialized” medicine (I guess then the UK, Canada and Ireland are all socialist countries, maybe we should stop asking them to assist us in our wars), then it’s the fact that schoolchildren sang a song about him. Because it was okay when schoolchildren sang songs about Bush (Jon Stewart showed a lovely song thanking Bush and FEMA for all their help, sung by young Katrina victims, for example), but when people do it for Obama it means he wants to be Hitler? And the schoolchildren are being indoctrinated? Like public school isn’t one long series of indoctrinations?

I mean, I really don’t care if they hate Obama. I certainly had a strong aversion to Bush. But. . . .I didn’t go around comparing him to Hitler. Because you know what? He wasn’t trying to exterminate everyone he deemed undesirable (at least not directly) and he didn’t try to take over Europe. Totally not like Hitler.

And neither is Obama. There’s no extermination, no take over the world plans and no dissolution of Congress.  Nor is he a socialist, if you actually understand the definition of the word. But I guess the viewers love those phrases, whether they’re actually true or not. So the talking heads keep using them, spinning the idiots of this country up until they all think that our president is a too-smart Kenyan who wants to be Hitler or Mussolini.  Meanwhile, proud Republicans like Tom DeLay go on Dancing With the Stars, where they can really make a difference.

But, honestly, would a smart person actually want to be Hitler? He committed suicide. And Mussolini was executed. Demagogues don’t usually walk gently into a luxurious old age. Of course, Rush, Bill, Sean and Glenn know that (I think). They probably know that comparing Obama to Hitler is incendiary and ridiculous. They just don’t care. It’s not about debating about what’s best for our country anymore, it’s about naming calling and who’s “winning” by getting the most viewers and votes for their favorites.

It’s not like they really care.

I haven’t watched an inauguration since Clinton’s first. I was so happy and hopeful that day. But that’s nothing compared to how I feel today. Not simply because while I complained about the Republican presidencies of Reagan and Bush I, those complaints practically disappear when compared with my issues with this past administration.

I liked Clinton. I didn’t like Bush. But I never believed in either one of them. I never thought they were good men.

I believe in Barack Obama. I believe his is a good man as well as a brilliant one. I feel safe knowing he is president in a way that I’ve never felt before. I would like to bask in my happiness.

But I can’t do that and watch the news today.

Obama and Bush have handled this transition with class and sense. They handled the inauguration with class. But the talking heads – because it’s easier to comment on a lovely ceremony than to research and report on other news – are looking for conflict wherever they can find it. Now they’ve moved onto observing Gore and McCain at the luncheon, speculating on what they’re talking about. Hey, news professionals, they’re probably talking about how glad they are to finally be inside.

I think we need to be worrying less about the media having a liberal or conservative bias and worry more about how they have a stupidity bias. There are wars and conflicts going on all over the globe. It’s now come out that we tortured prisoners. We’re still in a financial and real estate mess – one that could always be explained better. The Steelers are going to be in the SuperBowl. So there’s PLENTY of serious news that they could be talking about. And instead CNN is telling me about what they’re eating at the luncheon and wondering what Senator Corbyn and Senator Clinton were talking about.

I read People magazine for gossip and info about luncheons. Or I watch E!. Doesn’t CNN have anything better to do?

I never thought I would say this. . .but I’m tired of people picking on Sarah Palin.

Sure, I think the whole folksy anti-intellectual attitude is ridiculous. Yes, I think she’s a female version of W. Of course, I disagree with her on everything politically. But can we please let the turkey thing go?

In case you were fortunate enough to miss it, Governor Palin – after pardoning a local turkey – gave an interview in front of a turkey rendering area. Where a worker proceeds to kill some turkeys in the background while Palin blithely answers questions in the foreground.

Now, unless you are a vegetarian, being offended by the turkey killing is just plain stupid. If you eat meat, you are eating murdered animals (unless you only eat roadkill, in which case – how the hell did you get on the internet?). And if you eat murdered animals, why be all squeamish about how they get that way?

Folks, Sarah Palin hunts. And what do responsible hunters do? Eat their prey. And also, Gov. Palin is from ALASKA. One of the few places in the country where you need to bring a gun on a nature hike to protect yourself from wild animals. Killing animals is part of the culture of Alaska. They don’t just buy prepackaged meat at the supermarket, mmmmkay?

So leave Sarah alone about the turkey killing that she ignored during her interview. To her it was no big deal. If it was such a big deal to you, become a vegetarian – because you’re clearly not cut out to be a meat-eater.

I know some of you hate political posts. Please read this one anyway.

I’ve been tempted to write another post about Sarah Palin and her ignorance. I’ve been tempted to write a post about my loss of respect for McCain, between his disrespect of Obama at the debates and his extremely negative campaign ads. I’ve been tempted to write about the economy. I’ve been tempted to write about my disappointment in Congress.

But what good would it do? Researching the post would probably make me more angry. Many of you would agree with me – which is awesome, of course – and those that don’t would probably skip the post. So instead I’ve got a favor to ask.

We’ve all gotten political emails that shock us. We’re all watching negative campaign ads. We’re all (I hope) seeing debates (or debate soundbytes) where candidates stretch the truth. And that scares me. Because some of us are believing things that aren’t true (Obama is a Muslim ? Sarah Palin is middle class?). So all I ask is this, when you see an ad/get an email/hear something shocking, check it out with a neutral party. There are websites devoted to explaining – without bias – where the candidates actually stand on the issue.

Factcheck.org

Politifact

Project Vote Smart

Don’t vote out of fear, vote because of your knowledge.

I’m an elitist.

After all, I have a master’s degree.

Both of my degrees are from private colleges, no less.

I read the New York Times (on Sundays, anyway).

I eat arugula.

I’ve never hunted.

Never mind that I’ve actually worked with and taught the children of the poor and working class. Never mind that our budget is so tight these days that I’m using the Amazon gift certificates I get for reviewing things here to buy my kids winter clothes. Never mind that I know how many homes, cars and pairs of shoes I have.

You’d think budgeting and a husband who grew up in an actual small town in the heart of America would give me some “regular people” cred. And maybe they would, until I opened my mouth. You see, I don’t care that Sarah Palin is a mom like me. I don’t care that Barack Obama was raised by a single mom. I don’t care that John McCain was at the bottom of his college class. I don’t care about their “regular” credentials.

They are powerful politicians (yeah, even Sarah, seeing how she runs the entire state of Alaska and all) and no matter how humble their origins (you all realize that technically, Obama wins the humble origins sweepstakes, right?) they will never know what it’s like to be an “ordinary” American. AND THAT’S OKAY.

Ordinary Americans eat at McDonald’s – even though they know it’s bad for them. Ordinary American’s can’t find Iraq on an unmarked map. Ordinary Americans watch “The Hills”. Ordinary Americans wear Crocs to decent restaurants. Ordinary Americans don’t understand economic theory. Ordinary Americans don’t watch Friday Night Lights.

Are these SERIOUSLY the people you want running the country?

Personally, I would like a leader who understands economics, political science, world history, the Constitution, how to behave with foreign dignitaries and in various foreign countries, geography, English grammar and SAT words, what the vice-president and the rest of the Cabinet does, sociology and educational theory.

Because, uh, the president is responsible for making decisions in all of those areas. So s/he should know something about them. And be able to remember it for more than ten minutes. And I don’t know many “Ordinary Americans”, brilliant though some may be, who can converse intelligently on all of those topics.

So I suppose what really makes me an elitist is that I want the smartest person to win. My dad is having major surgery in December. I really don’t care if his surgeon is an asshole, as long as he’s brilliant at what he does. In fact, I hope he (not being sexist, it really is a he) graduated first in his class at an Ivy League medical school. And got perfect scores on his boards. Because this is my dad we’re talking about. And I bet everyone understands my feelings, right?

So why don’t people feel the same way about who they vote for? The president is responsible for the life of our country, after all.

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t a feminist. I remember my first political act in the name of feminism, though. I was in first grade.

Since this was back in the dark ages, we actually had free play time in my first grade classroom (yet we still managed to learn to read, write, spell, add and subtract. . .amazing). Every day the boys played with the blocks. Every day the girls created puppet shows or drew pictures. Until one day, when  I we thought that the blocks looked awfully fun. So we went to the block area. And the boys told us that we couldn’t play. Completely offended, I marched over to the decrepit substitute teacher. Who told me that girls didn’t need to play with blocks.

I don’t remember what I actually said to her, but I remember my initial feeling of disbelief. She must not have understood me. I patiently explained to her that we girls WANTED to play with the blocks and that the boys wouldn’t let us. She not so patiently replied that blocks were for boys and that I should go do another puppet show. Realizing that I would have no help from the authorities, I decided on a different tactic: Violence.

Dragging the braver girls with me, I marched over to the block area and began kicking down buildings. The boys were stunned. And then angry. Flushed with the thrill of power, I didn’t care that every boy in my class was ready to hit me. I told them that I would keep knocking down their buildings until they let me play with the blocks too. Being nice, smart little boys they took me at my word. Blocks were for everyone then on.

Thirty years later, I still believe I am a feminist. I still believe everyone should get to play with the blocks. And yet I judge Sarah Palin. Not simply because I see most of her political views as abhorrent (no abortion for rape and incest victims? no sex ed? letting the business model take care of health care when they’ve done such a stunning job with mortgages?), but because I don’t think much of her mothering skills.

It’s not because her children – for the most part – are quite young. It’s not because her infant has Down’s Syndrome. I’m sure she has lots of wonderful nannies and older siblings to take care of the little ones. While I personally can’t imagine being away from my kids that much, that’s her business. What I can’t stomach is her decision to thrust herself onto the national scene while her seventeen year old daughter is pregnant. Either she’s so naive that she really believes the press will leave the poor girl alone (I guess she missed how cruel they were to Chelsea Clinton during her awkward years- not that it seems to have hurt the pretty Stanford and Oxford graduate) or she doesn’t care.

And even if the press does leave Bristol alone, she’s still going to have to go through the whole thing without her mother. I taught an awful lot of children of teen moms and all the ones who were happy and had great kids also had very involved parents. And there’s no way you can tell me that Sarah – or her husband – is going to have a lot of time for Bristol right now. And if she wins, she’s not exactly going to be able to help with babysitting. Hell, she probably won’t even have much time and energy for emotional support. And while all new mothers need lots of emotional support, I think young ones need more.

As I watched Palin talk about how Bristol and Levi were going to take on all of these adult responsibilities, I couldn’t help but think of how cold she sounded. Very “you decided to go against our beliefs by having sex, suffer the consequences, you’re an adult now and I’m done.” And I think that’s shitty – especially since this possibly could have been avoided if she’d been taught about birth control. But anyway, I think this is a lousy time to drag your family into the national spotlight.

And while as a feminist I feel like I shouldn’t care about Palin’s family, and that I should cheer that even nightmarishly reactionary women are breaking glass ceilings, I just can’t.

I have no little problem with people who plan to vote for McCain and Palin because of their views on the issues (such as reinstituting the draft and allowing people on terrorist watch lists to buy guns). But for all those women who were Hillary supporters who are now going to switch to McCain because of his female running mate, I say this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzcTTzzAHG0&hl=en&fs=1]

My father was a Republican until he got wiser in his old age, or until George W. Bush became the leader of the party, whichever you prefer. Last night we got into a discussion of Reagan and the Republican ideal of “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.”

What’s interesting is that the Republicans don’t have this same philosophy for corporations – they get tax breaks, they get huge grants with no oversight,  they get deregulated and sometimes they even get to be exempted from laws. Really. Look it up.

I’d always fought against the Republican philosophy – arguing for government help for the individual, such as keeping the mentally ill in hospitals and affordable health care and affordable day care and no tax breaks for the rich and parental leave policies at least as good as Hungary’s and a high minimum wage. But as we prepare to bail out mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and our economy goes down the tubes I’m starting to think maybe I was wrong.

All the Republican handouts for corporations have led to this  mess, you know. (Oh, and the war. Wasn’t it nice of us to step in and help all those Iraqi citizens? I wonder why American citizens don’t rate the same concern.) The great free market (except for farm subsidies, of course) and the beautiful, even corporate playing field has not worked out, has it? (Though I suppose it’s not completely even, according to Time Magazine 68% of foreign corporations that do work in this country don’t pay any taxes). Lives aren’t improving. Job growth isn’t improving. The only thing we’ve got growing is inflation. So who knows what would happen if we gave more help to the average citizen? Maybe things would get even worse. LIke they are in Canada. Or Sweden. Or New Zealand. Or Australia.

Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is actually one of those ideas that sounds great in theory. Maybe if all kids were born into safe and healthy homes and then went on to effective schools, maybe if they all got enough to eat and good healthcare and none of them had any mental illnesses, then I would believe that it was possible for everyone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.