Dirty Little Secret

So, as usual, I am way, way, way behind on my blog reading. I am sorry that I haven’t read your blog, because, believe me, I LOVE your blog. I also love Aunt Becky’s blog - and really, all things Aunt Becky – so when she suggested I write about something, I had to do it.

Plus, it’s hard to come up with topics when I’m home with sick kids for days on end. Unless you want to hear about how much I already love those crazy bitches on Real Housewives of D.C.

Why Blogging is Important

Let’s just suppose, for a moment, that all the ancient old media types are right to dismiss the connections and communities blogging has developed, the news stories it has broken and the launch of many wonderful writers. Let’s even blame blogging for the popularity of The Jersey Shore, while we’re at it.

Still, blogging is important. I doubt very many members of the old media – or any media, really – were history majors. But I was. And while I would never dismiss the importance of newspapers in historical record keeping, you know what came before newspapers?

Letters. Reading old letters, from Presidents or writers or regular people, has given historians invaluable information about the past. Though, because many people were illiterate or enslaved or whatnot, historical information has always been rather skewed towards a relatively small percentage of the population. Still, reading  the conversations between people like Thomas Jefferson and George Washington has given us so much insight into that era.

Certain kinds of people lament that we don’t write letters anymore, that there will be no tangible record or our time. Obviously, those people don’t read blogs. Blogs are the letters of our time, a tangible record of how regular people lived and felt and worked and collected weird dolls and studied calculus and interacted with each other.

Someday 200 years from now, expectant mothers can look fondly at their womb machines while they read about what it’s like to actually carry a baby. Someday, historians will really be able to see how “the common people” felt about the economy and the war and the best way to potty train. Someday blog records will show kids that history is way more than just a dry study of dates and politics.

Important as the historical aspect is, though, I would never agree with the old media types. Blogging saved me from going stir crazy when I first stayed home with a 2 year old and a 1 year old. It’s taught me so much about writing and parenting. It’s introduced me – even if only virtually – to some completely amazing people. You can’t dismiss writers like Jen Lancaster, the craziness of Rielle Hunter and the amazing support groups that have developed to help people through tragedies.

On a final note, you know who doesn’t like blogging? Tyrants like the Iranian and Chinese governments. So, hey, if you want to align yourself with them, go ahead and put down blogs.

I don’t make fun of Sarah Palin much on this blog because Tina Fey does it so much better. To be honest, the whole blog would be better if Tina Fey wrote it, but I believe she’s busy writing Emmy winning television shows and doesn’t blog much. When I grow up, I want to be Tina Fey.

Oh right, this post isn’t actually about Tina Fey and my massive girl crush.

It’s not really about Sarah Palin either, though. It’s about her fans. Her fellow “Mama Grizzlies”.

Do we really want our parenting skills and feelings to be likened to those of the grizzly bear?

Assuming that losing at least a hundred IQ points doesn’t bother you (it does me. I’m pro smart people. Especially government people. But I digress.), I want you to imagine spending 2 years alone with your kids.

No mate. No family. No friends. Because that’s how grizzlies do it.

They hibernate every winter.

Also, there’s inbreeding.

And finally, there’s the part that I believe Palin likes. Grizzlies, of course, attack when their cubs are threatened. Threatened can mean that humans are too close to the cubs, even if said people are minding their own business. Threatened can mean that anything is close to their cubs, even if said things have no interest in the cubs.

Because grizzlies bears are not smart enough to tell what is an actual threat and what is some idiot hiker wandering off the trail. Which, I believe, describes Palin and her ilk perfectly.

Gay marriage is not going to hurt their children. Health care for poor kids is not going to hurt their children. Whether or not there is a mosque at Ground Zero is not going to even affect their children because none of them live in lower Manhattan.

Yes, I believe in protecting my children. I’ll fight to the death for them.

Just don’t call me a “Mama Grizzly”.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately. And I’ve realized some things. I don’t have a lot, but what I do have I definitely don’t want to share with people less fortunate than myself. It’s not my fault they were born poor or got a horrible disease or were victims of astounding violence, so why should I care? Besides, a lot of them don’t look like me. And that makes me nervous.

And all those assholes who think the government can run health insurance. . .I mean, geez, they can’t run anything. Sure, we have the most reliable infrastructure in the world and corrupt politicians don’t win much and we haven’t had any terrorist succeed since 9/11 but that doesn’t mean I trust the government to take care of my health. I mean, my insurance company is always trying to get me out of operations and stuff. Those people who don’t have insurance just need to work more or get rid of those pre-existing conditions.

Also, the Bible obviously has a point about homosexuality being bad because we got rid of all those soldiers through Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and it’s not like we need extra soldiers, right?  But the part in1 Corinthians 6:10 where it puts fornicators, adulterers and slanderers on the same level as homosexuals – well, that’s not what God meant. So many people doing his work are fornicators and adulterers and slanderers and well, I mean, homosexuality – that’s just so weird, right? So clearly THAT’s the point of the text, not that all of those sinners should be tarred with the same brush. I mean, the Bible also says drunkenness is a sin, but clearly it’s not serious about that one. I mean, there are special rehabs for priests!

And have you seen some of the houses of those people who work on Wall St.? Just awesome. They must be doing so well for themselves, I can’t imagine why anyone would think they need more oversight. They totally need to be left alone to make their money – surely it will trickle down to the rest of us. Although I know one of their maids, and they don’t provide health insurance for her or pay her enough so she can afford it herself. Sure it’s an honest mistake.

And finally, I’m going to quit blogging. It’s taking me away from housework and we all know how important housework should be to me. Hot Guy says so and after all, he’s the MAN.

Hehe.

Dear Terrorists,

I don’t think about you a lot. I am fortunate in that I don’t currently have any family members or close friends serving in the military or traveling in the middle east. And I am also fortunate in that I live in the United States, where the media would much rather listen to Tiger Woods’ pathetic excuse for an apology than to pay attention to anything you do.

I know you see us as the big Godless bully, one that keeps getting back up again even though you landed an excellent punch and made the rest of the class hate us. In your scenario, you will kill all of the infidels and have a perfect Muslim world (never mind that you can’t even agree on which kind of Muslim is perfect) where women are chattel, imams rule and no one eats hot dogs.

In my scenario, all the terrorists, rapists, pedophiles, racists, homophobes and murderers die of a mysterious illness and we live in a perfect liberal world where women are truly equal, children are ALL loved and no one eats hot dogs (see, we have something in common – give tolerance a chance!).

Here’s what would really happen in both of our scenarios: A bad seed would be born and start advocating equality or redhead hate and all of the people who weren’t quite as well off and who weren’t quite as educated would start listening to the bad seed and we’d be right back where we started.

Did you ever see the movie Heathers? It’s one of my favorites. In it,  a young couple murders the popular bullies of their school. . .only to have someone else step into the bully shoes almost immediately. Sort of like a modern day version of the Hydra.

Now in the movie and in the myth, the heroine/hero defeats the evil, resurrecting bully. Which is great, because who likes a story where nothing changes? No one.

However, these stories are also FICTION.

You are not going to defeat the bully. We’re not the biggest country (though I’m sure many of our high school graduates think so). We’re certainly not the smartest (just watch The Hills). We’re not the kindest (just ask our veterans). But we are the most popular. Take a poll and see how many of you have watched an American movie, heard an American song, eaten an American (or an American version) food, read an American book or heard about American Idol.

Even those kids who wear black and spend all of their time making fun of us (Russia, I’m talking to you) secretly want to be us. Yes, you can make us look stupid. Yes, you can hurt us. Yes, you can make people nervous about being our best friend. But given a choice between coming to the party where they have celebrity telethons for tragedies and sex is meant to be fun and coming to the party where they ignore other people’s problems and sex is shameful, which do you think people are going to pick?

Do you ever imagine what your lives would be like if your grandfathers had managed to move to the US? If your parents had opened small businesses in Detroit? If you and your sisters had 12 years of public education (which is better than you have gotten, even if it did produce Sarah Palin)? If your first crush was the Christian or Jewish kid from across the street?

Then you would have seen Heathers too. And you would have given up on this shit already.

Regards,

Jerseygirl

I like to call myself a realist. Some might say “cynical bitch”, but those people also might say “I think The Bachelor helps people find true love”, so really, who cares what they think? Anyway, I really soured on romance thanks to my ex-husband, who was a great one for romantic gestures and also for being a total selfish asshole, but even as a child I wondered how an abused maid like Cinderella would get along with a prince’s family.

I’m always looking for the dark backstory, and generally there is one. Let’s take Chastity Bono – er, I mean Chas Bono – shall we? When I was a little girl in the ’70′s, I watched Sonny and Cher with my mom. My favorite part was whenever little Chastity came out in a sparkling dress that matched her mother’s. I secretly longed for a mom with straight hair who wore glittery dresses on TV, one who would put me on TV too. I got over it quickly, especially after I heard that Sonny and Cher got divorced. I got even more over it when Sonny became a Republican politician. And, er, now that little Chastity is a man (not that there’s anything wrong with that) . . .well, let’s just say it’s probably good I never wore a sparkly dress on TV.

Sure, sometimes I think it would be nice to think that Katie and Tom do really love each other and that it’s not just a business arrangement, or that EVERYONE on Rock of Love was acting, but that’s not who I am. But as I listen to the news and read magazines, I start to wish that everyone was more like me.

We’re going to run out of oil. Health care costs are going to be out of reach for the average American. We’re not going to just “win” the Middle East like we did World War II. People who can’t afford it, are too young or too insane for it are going to keep breeding. Not everyone can own a flat screen TV.

And we need to accept that.

Our current situation is the dark backstory to the Reagan and Clinton years. Every politician proclaims that he or she can fix things, if this or that bill is passed it will fix things. Bullshit.

Can’t we just stop being optimistic Americans for one minute and realize that fighting on Fox News isn’t going to fix jack shit – and neither is either political party? We need to accept our dark back story and learn how to manage it.

Look at Chas Bono. Her mother is a gay icon, the ultimate feminine fantasy-woman. Does Chas try to emulate her? Try to become her eager assistant? Try to become an earth mother archetype in rebellion? No. He goes in a completely different direction. Not dwelling on the past or hostiley rejecting it.

Although, the cynical part of me wonders how much of it had to do with those sparkly dresses.

And you, Bill O’Reilly. And you, Sean Hannity. And most especially you, Glenn Beck. And every news producer who has replayed anything those you idiots have said, which I’m pretty sure covers every media outlet.

Because there’s a difference between disagreement and disgusting behavior, and you all have crossed it. And I happen to know that Bill, at least, is playing a role and doesn’t believe everything he spouts (or lets his viewers spout). But this playing to the lunatic fringes makes me nauseous.

If the birther movement wasn’t bad enough (like that wouldn’t have been checked by all the McCain and Clinton resources already? Seriously?), now we’ve got people comparing Obama to Hitler. If it’s not his “socialized” medicine (I guess then the UK, Canada and Ireland are all socialist countries, maybe we should stop asking them to assist us in our wars), then it’s the fact that schoolchildren sang a song about him. Because it was okay when schoolchildren sang songs about Bush (Jon Stewart showed a lovely song thanking Bush and FEMA for all their help, sung by young Katrina victims, for example), but when people do it for Obama it means he wants to be Hitler? And the schoolchildren are being indoctrinated? Like public school isn’t one long series of indoctrinations?

I mean, I really don’t care if they hate Obama. I certainly had a strong aversion to Bush. But. . . .I didn’t go around comparing him to Hitler. Because you know what? He wasn’t trying to exterminate everyone he deemed undesirable (at least not directly) and he didn’t try to take over Europe. Totally not like Hitler.

And neither is Obama. There’s no extermination, no take over the world plans and no dissolution of Congress.  Nor is he a socialist, if you actually understand the definition of the word. But I guess the viewers love those phrases, whether they’re actually true or not. So the talking heads keep using them, spinning the idiots of this country up until they all think that our president is a too-smart Kenyan who wants to be Hitler or Mussolini.  Meanwhile, proud Republicans like Tom DeLay go on Dancing With the Stars, where they can really make a difference.

But, honestly, would a smart person actually want to be Hitler? He committed suicide. And Mussolini was executed. Demagogues don’t usually walk gently into a luxurious old age. Of course, Rush, Bill, Sean and Glenn know that (I think). They probably know that comparing Obama to Hitler is incendiary and ridiculous. They just don’t care. It’s not about debating about what’s best for our country anymore, it’s about naming calling and who’s “winning” by getting the most viewers and votes for their favorites.

It’s not like they really care.

I haven’t watched an inauguration since Clinton’s first. I was so happy and hopeful that day. But that’s nothing compared to how I feel today. Not simply because while I complained about the Republican presidencies of Reagan and Bush I, those complaints practically disappear when compared with my issues with this past administration.

I liked Clinton. I didn’t like Bush. But I never believed in either one of them. I never thought they were good men.

I believe in Barack Obama. I believe his is a good man as well as a brilliant one. I feel safe knowing he is president in a way that I’ve never felt before. I would like to bask in my happiness.

But I can’t do that and watch the news today.

Obama and Bush have handled this transition with class and sense. They handled the inauguration with class. But the talking heads – because it’s easier to comment on a lovely ceremony than to research and report on other news – are looking for conflict wherever they can find it. Now they’ve moved onto observing Gore and McCain at the luncheon, speculating on what they’re talking about. Hey, news professionals, they’re probably talking about how glad they are to finally be inside.

I think we need to be worrying less about the media having a liberal or conservative bias and worry more about how they have a stupidity bias. There are wars and conflicts going on all over the globe. It’s now come out that we tortured prisoners. We’re still in a financial and real estate mess – one that could always be explained better. The Steelers are going to be in the SuperBowl. So there’s PLENTY of serious news that they could be talking about. And instead CNN is telling me about what they’re eating at the luncheon and wondering what Senator Corbyn and Senator Clinton were talking about.

I read People magazine for gossip and info about luncheons. Or I watch E!. Doesn’t CNN have anything better to do?

I never thought I would say this. . .but I’m tired of people picking on Sarah Palin.

Sure, I think the whole folksy anti-intellectual attitude is ridiculous. Yes, I think she’s a female version of W. Of course, I disagree with her on everything politically. But can we please let the turkey thing go?

In case you were fortunate enough to miss it, Governor Palin – after pardoning a local turkey – gave an interview in front of a turkey rendering area. Where a worker proceeds to kill some turkeys in the background while Palin blithely answers questions in the foreground.

Now, unless you are a vegetarian, being offended by the turkey killing is just plain stupid. If you eat meat, you are eating murdered animals (unless you only eat roadkill, in which case – how the hell did you get on the internet?). And if you eat murdered animals, why be all squeamish about how they get that way?

Folks, Sarah Palin hunts. And what do responsible hunters do? Eat their prey. And also, Gov. Palin is from ALASKA. One of the few places in the country where you need to bring a gun on a nature hike to protect yourself from wild animals. Killing animals is part of the culture of Alaska. They don’t just buy prepackaged meat at the supermarket, mmmmkay?

So leave Sarah alone about the turkey killing that she ignored during her interview. To her it was no big deal. If it was such a big deal to you, become a vegetarian – because you’re clearly not cut out to be a meat-eater.

I know some of you hate political posts. Please read this one anyway.

I’ve been tempted to write another post about Sarah Palin and her ignorance. I’ve been tempted to write a post about my loss of respect for McCain, between his disrespect of Obama at the debates and his extremely negative campaign ads. I’ve been tempted to write about the economy. I’ve been tempted to write about my disappointment in Congress.

But what good would it do? Researching the post would probably make me more angry. Many of you would agree with me – which is awesome, of course – and those that don’t would probably skip the post. So instead I’ve got a favor to ask.

We’ve all gotten political emails that shock us. We’re all watching negative campaign ads. We’re all (I hope) seeing debates (or debate soundbytes) where candidates stretch the truth. And that scares me. Because some of us are believing things that aren’t true (Obama is a Muslim ? Sarah Palin is middle class?). So all I ask is this, when you see an ad/get an email/hear something shocking, check it out with a neutral party. There are websites devoted to explaining – without bias – where the candidates actually stand on the issue.

Factcheck.org

Politifact

Project Vote Smart

Don’t vote out of fear, vote because of your knowledge.

I’m an elitist.

After all, I have a master’s degree.

Both of my degrees are from private colleges, no less.

I read the New York Times (on Sundays, anyway).

I eat arugula.

I’ve never hunted.

Never mind that I’ve actually worked with and taught the children of the poor and working class. Never mind that our budget is so tight these days that I’m using the Amazon gift certificates I get for reviewing things here to buy my kids winter clothes. Never mind that I know how many homes, cars and pairs of shoes I have.

You’d think budgeting and a husband who grew up in an actual small town in the heart of America would give me some “regular people” cred. And maybe they would, until I opened my mouth. You see, I don’t care that Sarah Palin is a mom like me. I don’t care that Barack Obama was raised by a single mom. I don’t care that John McCain was at the bottom of his college class. I don’t care about their “regular” credentials.

They are powerful politicians (yeah, even Sarah, seeing how she runs the entire state of Alaska and all) and no matter how humble their origins (you all realize that technically, Obama wins the humble origins sweepstakes, right?) they will never know what it’s like to be an “ordinary” American. AND THAT’S OKAY.

Ordinary Americans eat at McDonald’s – even though they know it’s bad for them. Ordinary American’s can’t find Iraq on an unmarked map. Ordinary Americans watch “The Hills”. Ordinary Americans wear Crocs to decent restaurants. Ordinary Americans don’t understand economic theory. Ordinary Americans don’t watch Friday Night Lights.

Are these SERIOUSLY the people you want running the country?

Personally, I would like a leader who understands economics, political science, world history, the Constitution, how to behave with foreign dignitaries and in various foreign countries, geography, English grammar and SAT words, what the vice-president and the rest of the Cabinet does, sociology and educational theory.

Because, uh, the president is responsible for making decisions in all of those areas. So s/he should know something about them. And be able to remember it for more than ten minutes. And I don’t know many “Ordinary Americans”, brilliant though some may be, who can converse intelligently on all of those topics.

So I suppose what really makes me an elitist is that I want the smartest person to win. My dad is having major surgery in December. I really don’t care if his surgeon is an asshole, as long as he’s brilliant at what he does. In fact, I hope he (not being sexist, it really is a he) graduated first in his class at an Ivy League medical school. And got perfect scores on his boards. Because this is my dad we’re talking about. And I bet everyone understands my feelings, right?

So why don’t people feel the same way about who they vote for? The president is responsible for the life of our country, after all.