Comments on: Is There A Difference Between Mommy and Servant?

By: JenH

JenH — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:20:25 +0000

This is why I love Mommy bloggers. You wrote this almost a year ago, but don’t you know, I’m going through this right now with BigBoy and Baby. I too often question what I have my kids do compared to others. I say that and hear the old addage, “men compete, women compare.” I just want to know that I can look myself straight in the mirror and if I don’t crack up then at least I can smile and know that I’m doing a good job. Cheers! I love your site and am a fan!

By: Dianne aka LaFlacaD

Dianne aka LaFlacaD — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:58:02 +0000

re: the big head thing – I had to cut a bit of shirts for my son to be able to wear them. My daughter seems to have the same issue.

I am guilty of dressing the kids only because of my own impatience. I want to go now and it will be just so much faster if I do it.

By: Sara

Sara — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:35:51 +0000

I struggle with this everyday. Like you said, this issue isn’t going to send them to therapy, but my inner voice is constantly scolding me for putting the shoes on for my 3 1/2 year who is completey capable of doing it himself. It’s that balance between raising indepedent kids, and just getting out the door…or onto the dance floor as the case may be! Thanks for a great blog!

By: jerseygirl89

jerseygirl89 — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 15:37:29 +0000

Karly – I wonder if it’s also a boy-girl thing? And that is great news about the big head thing. Especially since the baby is in the same boat!

Hasney – Exactly – try first, then ask for help! Sometimes I’m surprised by what the kids can do.

Wordvixen – Teehee. I think there’s a blog post in there.

Catootes – I know it used to drive me crazy as a teacher!

By: Catootes

Catootes — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:09:34 +0000

teaching kids to do for themselves makes them stronger, independent and capable individuals.

Please stay in the minority on this. It drives me bonkers to see parents enable that kind of dependency.

By: wordvixen

wordvixen — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:44:35 +0000

I don’t know about shoulds, but if it helps? I still sometimes need help getting a shirt off over my head. And so does 40 yr old hubs!

By: hasney

hasney — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:23:31 +0000

both my kids strive to be indepedent.

my oldest likes when I double tie his shoes sometimes because when I do, they never untie. but in his defense he’s been getting breakfast his little sister breakfast (out of being cool and helpful, not us being lazy asses)

I believe kids should do what ever they are physical capable of doing. Even if they can’t do something, they should try first, then ask for help.

If all those little kids at dance class are getting shoed, are they asking for special treatment at home too (bathroom)? I just had a visual of a parent tending to an adult child’s wiping. funny how dependent some folks keep their kids.

By: Karly

Karly — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 20:22:16 +0000

With my oldest, I always helped him do EVERYTHING because it seemed so much easier to do it myself rather than teach him and then wait around for him to actually do it himself. With my second I realized that teaching them might be a pain in the butt, but it is so much nicer when they can do stuff themselves! Cindy-Lu is way more independent than her older brother ever has been. It’s nice.

Oh, and I had a big headed kid too. At some point, around 4 if I remember correctly, he grew into his head and now he’s normal. Thank the Lord. I have actually had to CUT shirts off of him, because they just wouldn’t come back up over his big head.

By: jerseygirl89

jerseygirl89 — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 20:18:19 +0000

Goodbad – Thank you!

Travis – So you’re saying I can’t change Lovebug’s personality?

DMLD – Teach me your secrets, wise one.

Deb – That is so reassuring. Do your kids want to come over and baby-sit?

Andrea – Good point – this dressing/not dressing is probably not what will drive them to therapy.

Miss Johnson – Your family will never wind up on Dr.Phil! I hadn’t even thought of the power struggle angle – but it’s an excellent point. Thanks.

By: Miss Johnson

Miss Johnson — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:14:47 +0000

Okay, I have to say I am commenting on this as a parent and a teacher. As a parent, I enjoy doing a lot of things for my little guy (17 months), but I see how proud of himself he becomes when he does even the smallest thing for himself, and I figure if I do my job well, he will depend on me less and less. The last thing I want is for our family to be on “Dr. Phil” talking about my 26 year old son who still expects me to his laundry, fix him meals, etc.!

As a teacher, I think kids need to feel successful, and that starts at home with doing things you can do for yourself. Plus, it avoids power struggles with kids who need control.

I am completely with you on this, Jerseygirl. Even if parents don’t mind doing everything for their children, it doesn’t mean they should,